Untitled
by Pennie
Summary: Kurt Angle never expected to see Kaitlyn again. He'd made it clear to her he never wanted to see her again. Kaitlyn had to try one more time to talk to her estranged father. What will Kaitlyn find when she enters the world of TNA?
1. Chapter 1

_Summary: 20 year old Kaitlyn Angle was the last person that Kurt ever expected to see on Impact, or anywhere else for that matter. He'd made it clear to her years before he wanted nothing to do with her. Kaitlyn for some reason has the need to reach out one last time to her estranged father and finds a home in the locker room._

_Chapter 1_

_I wasn't sure why I was really doing this. My father had made it perfectly clear on my 16th__ birthday that he never wanted to see her again. It ruined the day that was supposed to be the happiest days of my young life by very publicly announcing that he wanted nothing to do with me ever again and that in his eyes I was never his daughter. Not that he was the most attentive father anyway._

_It had come at one of the most painful moments in my life. He said he didn't want anything to do with me just weeks after my mom died. I had already moved into his house, and Karen, my step mom, made him let me stay. He just pretended I didn't exist when he was home. Thankfully he wasn't home much._

_I took a deep breath before going to look for the Main Event Mafia locker room. I wasn't sure what I was going to say to him when I got there, but she was definitely going to say something. I had to at least attempt to make him see what he was doing right now._

_I completely ignored the looks that I was getting. I didn't know any of the guys that were looking at me like a piece of meat, and honestly I didn't care if they did. Unlike my father wrestling isn't my world. I would probably never see any of these guys ever again. This business was more important to him than my half brother or sister or I. If he wasn't here I was sure that her father would go absolutely crazy instead of just mostly crazy like he already was._

_I found the locker room I was looking for without any trouble. Jeff had told me exactly where it would be before he left for the hotel. Jeff and Karen were actually pretty close friends behind the scenes, which I had no doubt infuriated my father and made him fight the divorce Karen so desperately wanted for as long as he did. I couldn't blame my former step mother for wanting to leave._

_I took a deep breath and knocked on the door to the Main Event Mafia's locker room with as much confidence as I could muster. I was gathering the desire and guts to face her father. I was gong to need every ounce of intestinal fortitude that I possessed to do this._

"_Sorry, no groupies," Kevin said opening the door._

"_I'm not a groupie I promise. I'm looking for Kurt and want to speak to him now," I demanded. I knew that if I catered to his cronies I wouldn't get any closer to him._

"_And who are you to demand to talk to Kurt?" Kevin asked. I just looked up at him with the eyes that I'm constantly told look just like his._

"_I'm his daughter, and I demand to see him right this moment," I demanded. I was not going to let this man as big and intimidating as he was boss me around._

"_He doesn't have a daughter your age," he said._

"_Who's at the door Kev," I heard my dad say._

"_Some chick claiming to be your daughter," Kevin said._

"_Not some chick claiming to be your daughter. Some chick who actually is your daughter Kaitlyn," I called into the room. I wasn't sure if he was going to acknowledge my existence, but at least I tried. I had a feeling he might be really, really angry. He was either hot or cold when it came to me. He was emotionless or angry there wasn't an in between._

_Kurt looked at me with a look I could only describe as fury. It took everything I had in me to not turn and walk away. I saw him stalk to the door and then he pulled me in._

"_What the hell are you doing here?" Kurt asked angrily._

"_I wanted to tell you that for as much as you were talking about respect and all that stuff you don't treat anyone that way, even your Main Event Mafia 'brothers'. The best way to get respect is to give respect. I remember when I was about 4 years old you told me to be nice to the people in preschool and they would like me," I told him. "You're being an asshole to everyone, and then you wonder why everyone hates you."_

"_I thought we've all ready been through this. You're not my daughter and I don't give a damn about you. You were a one night mistake that I had to deal with for 16 years," Kurt said again._

_I blinked back the emotion I felt at that moment. "You're right I'm not your daughter because all we share is DNA. For me to be your daughter we'd have to have some sort of emotional connection and we never have. You have pretended we did, but really it was all so you could look good. I don't even know what I was thinking coming here and trying to talk to you," I told him. "Since I'm not your daughter I guess your not my father, and we have nothing else left to talk about."_

"_Finally you see that. It took you 20 years, but now you're finally seeing it. You're nothing to me. You never were and never have been," Kurt said._

"_And you've never been a father to me so I guess we're even. You're not a father to any of you children and someday you'll probably tell Kyra and Kody the same thing your telling me now," I told him. "You know what? You're just completely incapable of loving anyone or anything except that damn world title. That world title has made you loose everything. You had a wife and three kids who wanted nothing more than for you to love them the way they loved you and you couldn't d that. When was the last time you saw your children? I know that you haven't really seen me for a little over four years."_

_That must have been the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. My father unceremoniously shoved me out of the locker room and I almost fell on my butt. Fortunately for me someone was walking by and caught me before I could actually fall._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I forgot this last chapter but I don't own TNA or anything related to TNA. I also promise I don't own anyone that your familiar with. The only person I own in this story is Kaitlyn Angle. I make no money from this or it woudn't be posted here.

A/N: If anyone has any good ideas for a title for this story let me know.

Chapter 2

I looked up to se who caught me. I saw a black guy I had never seen before, not that I had seen very many people form the locker room before. "Sorry about that," I said.

"No problem," he said. I was sure that he wanted to know what I had been doing in the Main Event Mafia locker room. Hell if I were him I would want to know too.

"I'm Katie," I introduced. I decided that last names weren't a good idea. I'd learned that long ago when my dad was working in the WWE.

"I'm Jay, " he introduced. "I don't think I've seen you around before."

"I haven't and I don't think you will ever again," I supplied. I had no intention of coming around very often. This just wasn't my scene.

I went to leave when I heard my name being called from the Main Event Mafia locker room. "Get your ass in here."

I rolled my eyes and turned to re-enter the lion's den so to speak. I hated how he made demands upon me then told me that I was nothing to him.

"What do you expect now?" I demanded; he was probably going to dictate to me. It was the only thing he ever did.

"What the hell are you doing talk to the likes of him?" Kurt demanded.

"I'm not your daughter so that means that you can't tell me what to do," I pointed out.

"You, unfortunately, have the last name Angle. That means as much as I want to deny you, you will always be connected to me somehow," Kurt said. "That means no talking to anyone not in this locker room while you're here."

"Actually, Jeff told me to make myself at home," I said. I knew bringing Jeff into the conversation would irritate my father. I really hadn't been all that interested in staying until now. "I can pretty much do what I want."

"Under no circumstances are you to talk to anyone not in this locker room," my dad ordered.

"I have no reason to listen to you," I pointed out. "Your not my father per your own words. Not only that I'm 20 years old so if you were my father you still wouldn't have any control over me."

"I should have known you would be like your mother. You like everyone in this company don't respect me," Kurt said.

"Like I said to get respect you gotta give a little respect. You don't respect me so why should I respect you? I'm nothing to me so your nothing to me. Life just works that way," I told him.

"Kaitlyn Alison Angle you will do as I tell you," Kurt said.

"No you just frickin' shoved me outta here on my butt. I will do as I please," I informed him. "There isn't a damn thing you can do about it."

"I'll keep you away from Kyra and Kody unless you do what I say," Kurt threatened. I couldn't believe he just went there. Kyra and Kody are my one weakness.

"Karen as primary custody. She will not keep me away from them. You can't make her," I told him. I hoped the last part sounded more confident than I felt. Kurt can be extremely manipulative.

"Katie, you're forgetting I can do anything I want," Kurt said.

"Whatever. I'm gonna save you the trouble of shoving me outta here on my ass again," I said. I turned on my heel and left.

I went to Jeff's office. It was somewhere I felt safe. Right now Kurt, he was no longer my father, had shaken me, and I needed someone who could calm and reassure me right now. I never expected Kurt to react the way that he did even though I knew what he was capable of.

"Did you do what you wanted?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah, and Kurt is further gone than anyone could reach. I shouldn't have even wasted my time," I said. "I was talking to someone, Jay I think, and Kurt flipped. We had words; Kurt threatened to not let me see Kyra and Kody if I talked to anyone who wasn't in the Main Event Mafia."

"He might be a manipulative bastard, but Karen would fight him tooth and nail. Hell I've seen those kids more in the last several months than he has," Jeff said.

"I know. He just gets me so worked up. He claims to want nothing to do with me, but he makes sure that he knows my weaknesses. It's like he keeps a file of ways to fuck with peoples heads and I always let him," I said.

"He gets to everyone Katie. Don't think to much of it," Jeff said. I wish he were my father instead of Kurt. Hell I can deal with Kurt, I wish he were Kody and Kyra's father instead of Kurt. I don't want Kody and Kyra to go through all the stuff I had to with our father.

"I know, and he always freaking gets away with it. I don't think I want to stay to myself tonight," I said. "Maybe I want to have a good time and talk to whoever I want. Who knows what I might do."

"Katie, don't get to crazy, but do have fun and don't worry about Kurt. I'll make sure he leaves you alone," Jeff said.

I didn't know how he was going to do that, but I was going to hold him to it. I wasn't going to think about Kurt for the rest of the night. I was going to see what it was that made him so crazy about the business. Maybe then I would be able to make him understand. I scolded myself for thinking that he was savable. Tonight proved that.

I was wandering through the building when I again ran into someone again, only this time it's my fault. "Sorry about that," I said. I knew this person a little. He and Karen spent some time together for their story line a while back.

"Do I know you?" he asked.

"I'm Katie," I said. If he remembered me he would know I was an Angle and if he didn't I sure as hell didn't want to scare him off.

A/N: Review please.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own TNA or any of the wreslters that wrestle in TNA. I also don't own anyone else you may be familiar with.

Chapter 3

"Hey AJ," I said pulling myself up. I hated that I was so klutzy sometimes.

"Katie, I was looking for you. Jay said that he met a Katie by the Main Event Mafia locker room," AJ said. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"I was trying to talk some sense into Kurt, needless to say it didn't work too well. Now he's pissed at me. Welcome to my world," I told him. He knew a little of how my dad treated me from hanging around some when he and Karen had their storyline.

"Well you know what? It kinda sounds like you just need to have a little fun. A bunch of us are going out tonight. Wanna come?" AJ asked.

"Um… AJ I'm not 21 yet. I can't get into clubs and bars after like 11," I told him.

"Katie, you're in college I'm sure you have a fake ID," AJ said. He knew me a little to well for his own good. "And if by some off chance you don't we can always find another way to get you in. We're pretty famous you know."

"I'm guessing no one from the Main Event Mafia is invited?" I said. "It sounds like a good idea. I might just have to find myself a place to change."

"Your always prepared aren't you?" AJ asked. "And I'm sure you can borrow the Knockout's locker room some of them are going with us."

"Sounds great. I'll see ya later," I told him giving him a quick hug. Warning bells were telling me not to go out with them, but I didn't really care to much. I figured I was just worried that Kurt or one of his cronies would find out. Kurt would be pissed, but when wasn't he pissed at me? He was pissed that I existed.

"I thought you were headed back to the hotel," Jeff said when I told him I was getting a ride with AJ of course he noticed my clothing change.

"AJ invited me to go out with some of the others backstage. I though I might take him up on the offer. It's not like they're strangers or anything. I'll be fine," I said.

Jeff just shook his head. I knew that he wanted to say something, but he didn't. That was one of the awesome things about him. He let me make my own mistakes. "Call me if you get into trouble. I know you," Jeff said, "and Karen is going to kill you."

"I'm not going to get into trouble, and Karen doesn't really need to know about this," I said. Jeff just looked at me like he didn't believe me. I wouldn't really blame him for that. I've definitely gotten into my fair share of trouble.

I left the building with AJ, Jay and a bunch of their friends unknowing that there were a pair of eyes watching me. I was having to much fun.

I really liked the club that we were at. It was the best of a nightclub and bar both. I have always loved AJ's taste. I was drinking my fuzzy navel (it wasn't my first drink of the night nor would it most likely be my last) when Eric asked me to dance. I thought what the hell. Everyone was dancing and drinking, most of them out pacing me and I probably wasn't being as conservative as I should have been with my drinks.

After several more drinks and hours of dancing with just about everyone I have a hazy memory of leaving the club with AJ and Eric, who were both pretty drunk themselves, guiding me toward the car. I was too drunk to notice the pair of eyes that were still watching me.

The next morning I woke up with a killer headache. My 5'2" 120 pound frame was not meant to ingest as much alcohol as I had the previous night. Legally it wasn't meant to ingest any, but I'm a college student. Not only that I had always been a bit of a wild child. I was in my own room as I had expected and I had taken off my shoes and pants before falling ungracefully onto my bed and sleeping off some of my drunkenness.

My phone rang making my head hurt even more. I heard Simple Plan "Perfect" and I knew that it was Kurt. I had put that song on there as him a long time ago and it still sorta fit. I made the decision that talking to him now was preferable to dealing with him later. I wasn't leaving until tomorrow so I knew that I still might run into him.

"What do I owe the pleasure of the phone call?" I asked sarcastically.

"What the hell were you doing going out with all those ingrates? I thought you weren't supposed to talk to them. Remember what I said? I guess you don't want to see Kyra and Kody. They probably never meant that much to you in the first place," Kurt told me.

"You know what? Karen has primary custody and she's the closest thing to a mother I have left. She won't keep Kody and Kyra away from me. She loves them and actually puts other people's well being in front of her own," I told him.

"Well seeing as your probably in someone else's hotel room it wouldn't be hard to convince Karen that you're not a good influence," Kurt said.

"Not a good influence my ass. Why are you really harassing me Kurt? You want some info don't you? You think if I piss you off enough that I'll let something slip about Karen and her life now. Well it's not going to happen. What she does and doesn't do isn't your business. You didn't pay this much attention to her when you were married now all the sudden you have to know everything about her," I told him. "If you would have cared this much earlier maybe you would still be married."

"Let me guess you're hooking up with AJ now aren't you. Doesn't the fact that he's married mean anything to you?" Kurt asked. I already knew where this was going.

"I remember all of last night and not once did I do anything inappropriate with anyone. AJ and I are kind of friends," I told him. I did recall dancing suggestively with several people who were single to the best of my knowledge, but that doesn't constitute inappropriate.

"I heard about your trip last night. Underage in a club drinking with people you barely knew. That sounds exactly like someone I want my children around," Kurt said. "I know that there was a lot of stuff going on."

"Lets see would you like a rundown of my night. I drank a little danced with Eric, drank a little more, danced with Jay, drank a little more and danced with AJ briefly then had another drink or two before I left. I got back to the hotel went to my room and went to bed," I told him. "Nothing other 20 year old girls aren't doing. I don't even know why I'm going through this with you. You aren't my father remember. I was just some sperm you donated to Mom when you were younger."

"Kaitlyn don't talk to me like that. You of all people should respect me damn it. I was more of a father than some lowlife's out there," Kurt said.

"Wait for the last four years you've been telling me you're not my father and for like the last like 15 years you've been pretending I don't exist now I'm lucky to have a father like you. You have to pick. You can either be my father or not, but I'm not going to stand around and be played and manipulated until you decide which is more convenient for you," I told him. I hung up. I simply couldn't deal with that man any longer. He was infuriating me on purpose I know it. I decided that I was going to take a page out of his book and pretend that he didn't exist. If he didn't exist than he couldn't push any of my buttons any longer.

I knew the information Kurt was trying to get out me was the information about what Karen was doing and if she was seeing anyone. More specifically he wanted to know if there was anything going on between Karen and Jeff. I knew it.

A/N: Review please.


	4. Chapter 4

See Chapter 2 for disclaimer.

A/N: I enjoy that so many people are adding this to their story alert list, but please also review.

Chapter 4

I was back at school getting ready for class. I was trying to put my incident with Kurt behind me. I hated school, but my mom always wanted me to go to college and I did like journalism.

My phone rang. From the ring tone and the caller ID I knew that it was Karen. I wondered what she wanted. She didn't usually call me in the morning because mornings weren't my best time of day.

"When were you going to tell me about your little adventure the other night?" Karen asked.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. I wasn't going to give her any information that she didn't have.

"Going out with AJ and his friends," Karen said. I knew exactly who told her. It was Kurt. It was something that he would do.

"It wasn't that big of a deal. We went out and had fun," I told her. I wanted to gloss this all over. She was like a mother to me and I didn't want to disappoint her.

"Katie, you know how I feel about you going to bars and drinking. Not only is it dangerous because someone could drug your drinks, drinking isn't good for you," Karen said. "I just don't want anything to happen to you."

"I didn't drink that much and I was with people. I wouldn't have been able to get out without someone noticing," I assured her. "Don't worry they took good care of me."

I talked to Karen for a few more minutes before having to go to class. I sighed when I was outside the building for my class. AJ called me. Apparently I programmed my number into his phone when we were drinking the other night. Okay so maybe I'm getting close to inappropriate territory. Possibly a little to close for comfort. AJ talked to me for a minute and he asked when I was coming back to the Impact Zone. I wasn't really comfortable with that question considering both school and the fact Kurt was there. I didn't commit to an answer and quickly made excuses to get off the phone.

I distractedly made it though my morning classes. School wasn't really my passion, but I promised my mom that I would get an education. I enjoyed working on my school's newspaper when I was in high school so I decided the major that sounded most interesting to me was journalism. Granted Penn State wasn't exactly known for the journalism program, but I was only an all right student.

I was sitting outside eating when I checked my phone. Kurt left me a message, which I deleted without listening too.

Kurt was something that I had struggled with all my life. I always was trying to make him happy and make him see that I was worth caring about. Needless to say it didn't work. Then I thought that if I did enough things that he didn't like we'd have at least some sort of relationship even a bad one, but that never really worked either. Sure my dad and I had some sweet moments like when I started preschool, but they were few and extremely far between. For the most part my relationship with Kurt was not horrible in the sense that he was as cruel as he is now, but he just didn't give a damn. He was so hot and cold and most of the time he was cold. I know now that my mom sheltered me from some of his broken promises and stuff, but it still hurt. I knew that other people's parents decided not to stay together, but both of their parents wanted them. I don't think I ever truly felt like Kurt wanted me.

I decided that I couldn't go to my afternoon class. It would be a waste of my time to try to focus right now. Nothing was a big enough distraction to make me feel better.

"Katie, aren't you supposed to be at class?" my roommate Sarah asked. Sarah and a I had been roommates for our entire college experience and were actually pretty close.

"I can't Sar, not today," I told her cryptically before disappearing. I had to have some alone time to process. It wasn't just the AJ thing now it was Kurt too. How do I seem to always meet toxic men. Not that I thought that AJ was always toxic just in this situation. My life had been filled with them since I started dating at about 14. And my own father was probably one of the most toxic men in my life, but I still cared. Maybe I just needed to develop tougher skin.

My eyes glanced at the calendar on my wall. I noticed the date that was slowly creeping up. I was the anniversary of my mom's death. My birthday was only about a week later, but it was always overshadowed by the other event. I couldn't believe how bad this week was starting to be.

I don't know how long I was just thinking and trying to process when I noticed my phone vibrating again. I could only imagine the calls that I might have missed. I checked the caller ID before opening it and accepting the call.

"Katie, what's going on? Karen's been trying to get ahold of you all afternoon," Jeff said.

"I've just been busy with homework and school stuff," I fibbed. I hoped that Jeff wouldn't see through it. I wasn't ready to open up to anyone and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by not opening up to him. I didn't want him to go away like Kurt did.

"Katie, you have to let whatever is stressing you out, out. I can hear that your stressed in your voice," Jeff said.

"I don't want to talk about it Jeff. I'm just not ready," I told him. I could only hope that he understood. I wasn't ready to let these raw emotions out.

"Karen said that Kurt wanted to see the kids but they had to come to Florida to see him. She wanted to know if you would go with them so she wouldn't have to worry," Jeff said.

"I never want to see that arrogant, selfish, arrogant SOB again," I said. "I don't want Kody and Kyra to see how much of an ass he is either. I don't want them growing up with the same thoughts about him as I have."

Jeff didn't say anything for a moment. He let my words sink in. "Just talk to Karen. I'm sure she know how you feel about him, and if she doesn't the only way she will is if you tell her."

"Thanks Jeff, I have to go now though. I really do have school stuff that I need to do," I lied. I knew that he was right and that he was going to accept it. His oldest daughter Lindsey was a year younger than me so he had lots of experience with this kind of thing.

"All right, Katie. Take care and don't forget to call Karen," Jeff said before hanging up.

This threw a monkey wrench in my plan to never see my father again. I didn't want Kyra and Kody to see him alone. He doesn't travel as much as he did in WWE, but he was still on the road. They would be like extra wheels and probably wouldn't get the supervision a 7 year old and 3 year old needed. I suppose I've come to an impasse.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the TNA superstars or anyone else that you may be familiar with. I don't make any money off this either.

Chapter 5

I finally talked to Karen after I put it off as long as I possibly could. Jeff had been right. She was looking for someone to go with Kyra and Kody to see Kurt. I didn't give a definite answer. Maybe I would have a test or important project one of those days. I was torn because I definitely didn't want them to have to deal with our father themselves, but I didn't really want to deal with him either.

I pretty much locked myself in my room. I know I worried Sarah just like it did every time I locked myself in my room. I was a case of extremes. I was either friendly, out going and no holds bared or I was antisocial, depressed and down. Today I was the later. My freaking phone kept ringing. It was all sorts of various people. I didn't answer, but I did listen to some of the messages later. Kurt called a couple more times, but I didn't answer or even listen to most of the messages.

The next week was hell. Karen kept asking me if I would do her huge favor for me. Apparently my number got around the entire Frontline locker room. I have no idea how that happened. I would assume that AJ and Eric who I gave my number to shared it with some people. I wasn't really that annoyed, I just wanted them to all stop calling for a little while. I was still in a rather down mood all though not as extreme. I wasn't sure how many more times I could say that I wasn't sure if I would be back let alone when without blowing up at someone. Me blowing up was not going to be pretty for anyone.

Kurt had also been calling me frequently. From the like 2 messages I listened to he had found out that like half the locker room had my cell phone number. He wasn't happy. I think he might have even called me a whore, but I wasn't paying enough attention to be sure. I honestly wasn't sure that I really cared what he thought about me anymore. I'm sure part of me would always care, but it was bothering me less every day.

My phone rang. The ring told me that it was Karen again. She was like the only person who hadn't been calling me nonstop the last week. I guess she thought that if she gave me some space and time that I would be more likely to say yes. I knew that I would give in. I still for whatever reason thought that maybe Kurt would snap out of whatever insanity he'd been in since he joined TNA and be a father again at least to Kyra and Kody.

I told Karen that I would go with them for a week. I'd already finished my midterms and there wasn't going to be much in the way of school that I would actually miss. I mentally prepared myself for leaving in a few days. I would be the bigger person for my siblings.

AJ called while I was in class wanting to know when I was going back on the road again. I had to admit I was a bit curious why he was so interested considering we had barely met and he was married. I wasn't a total air head. It annoyed me because he was kind of the type of guy I would go for. He was a good guy with a rebellious streak. Well that and my father hated him with a passion. That was always appealing.

I told Sarah that I was going to be out and I made arrangements with my professors for any assignments and such that I was going to miss. I was determined to graduate on time. I couldn't afford to mess up. I also called Jeff to make see if he could make sure there were a couple extra beds in his hotel rooms when we were on the road. I wanted to make sure that we had a place to stay incase something happened with Kurt. Jeff is so awesome he did that without any questions. I think he and Karen had a plan to make sure that Kyra and Kody always felt loved and wanted while they were on the road. Karen also told me that if Kurt screwed this up he wasn't going to be able to do anything like this again.

I believed her. I knew that she had always protected us from the worst of Kurt's fury and extreme emotions. I heard him yelling at Karen and just being a complete asshole toward her. I was amazed she took it as long as she did. I think she was going to leave before she found out she was pregnant with Kody, but she found out she was pregnant and decided to try again. It didn't help.

I felt so bad about all the things that Karen had to go through at the hands of my father. I felt so loved that she didn't take out all her issues with Kurt on me. It would have been so easy since I was living in the house and not part of her the way Kyra and Kody are. I felt like she was someone who loved me the way a parent loves a child.

I spent the next few days packing up everything that I might need. I knew that I couldn't pack everything to keep my sanity, but I was sure as hell going to try. I needed to show Kyra and Kody how to cope with their father, and make sure that they knew that someone who was around loved them.

I hadn't heard from Kurt since Karen told him that I was bringing the kids out and was gong to stay to watch them when he was working and stuff. I think he was angry, but he was back to ignoring me again. I wished I could do something to make this all stop. I hated my emotions being toyed with they way he has done my entire life. I just didn't have any sort of choice.

I told whoever talked to me that I was going to be on the road for a week and many of them seemed excited to see me even though I wasn't sure why. Jeff said he was going to bring his girls. Jaden was just a year older than Kyra and they really liked to hang out and Jacquelyn and I liked hanging out with each other.

I stopped by Karen's house and she took me and the kids to the airport. We were flying into Orlando. I was employing every calming technique that I had been taught.

______________________________________________

Review please.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own TNA, any of it's wrestlers or anything else that you may be familiar with. It also goes without saying that I don't make any money from this because if I did it wouldn't be posted here, and I would have actually finished some of my other stories.

A/N: For anyone who has read my story Somebody I have the last part written, but I have to find it before I can type it up and post it.

Chapter 6

I landed in Orlando wondering what I was going to do if Kurt turned out to be a complete ass. I was also sort of wondering what was going on between Karen and Jeff. I was almost sure there was something more than friendship there, but I hadn't really gotten anything out of either if them. I guess honestly it was their business and they both had children to protect.

"Katie, is Daddy really going to spend time with us?" Kyra asked.

"He says he is. If he doesn't don't worry Jeff and I will play with you and Kody," I told her while we were getting our luggage. I hoped that Kurt was going to come pick us up not send one of his lackeys to do the job. I didn't trust any of them as far as I could throw them.

The flight had not been pleasant. Kody hated sitting still and had to go to the bathroom about 5 times. It was quite annoying. Kyra wasn't a fan of flying, so that presented a dilemma. I knew what I was getting into.

I looked around looking for anyone who I was vaguely familiar with. I was going to be more upset than anyone could imagine anyone if I had to call Jeff to come get us. I think I might consider getting another flight and just going home.

To my disappointment Kurt sent one of his lackeys to pick us up. It was actually the one I trusted the most Scott, but that really wasn't saying much.

"Why didn't Daddy pick us up?" Kyra asked indignantly.

"Well, your daddy had an important meeting to go to so he sent me to pick you up and take you to his house. He should be there shortly after you get there," Scott said. I had to figure where ever he lived he had some kids at home.

"I told you Daddy wasn't gonna spend time with us," Kyra told me.

"Kyra, Daddy has to work sometimes. I'm sure when he gets home he'll do something fun with you and Kody," I told her. I was always careful about what I said about Kurt in front of them. They deserved to be able to form their own opinions about the man. It really wasn't for him it was more something I did for them.

I could just see Scott taking mental notes. I was sure he was going to report back to Kurt. I could only guess what he was going to say. I would hope he was an honest person and said I didn't do or say anything negative about him to his children that still had faith in him, but he was Main Event Mafia so I couldn't be sure.

"Thanks, Scott for the ride," I told him when he dropped us off at Kurt's place. He also helped me take things in since Kody fell asleep on the ride. When Kody was settled into his room Kyra pulled out her Nintendo and I went about finding some sort of snack and scoping out what he had incase I had to make dinner without Kurt.

Thankfully for once in my life Kurt pulled through. He was out of his meeting well before dinner and apparently came right home. I honestly wasn't sure what to think about that. I wondered if it was all a show to prove to Karen that he was able to take care of them so he could get more court appointed visitation time. He would do something like that.

"Daddy," Kyra yelled. Kody was still sleeping in his room. Kurt picked her up and gave her a big hug. He completely ignored my presence until Kyra pointed it out to him then he said hi and asked me how the flight was before he went back to paying lots of attention to her.

It wasn't long before Kody came downstairs with a big wet spot on his pants. I knew that he'd had an accident. "Katie, I peed," he said sleepily.

"Buddy, lets get you some new clothes," Kurt said even though I could see the annoyance in his eyes. I wasn't sure what angle he was playing at here, but I was sure that I didn't like it. I let Kurt do it and knew after a few accidents that he would get frustrated.

Kurt took the little ones out to dinner and a movie leaving me feeling all alone in his house. He hadn't invited me along and by now Kyra was to wrapped up in actually doing things with her daddy that she wasn't even thinking about what was going on between Kurt and I.

I was surprisingly okay with that on some level for Kody and Kyra. I guess I really was telling Jeff the truth when I said I didn't want Kyra and Kody to feel the same way about Kurt that I did. For the moment he was making an effort and I wasn't going to ruin that. He would screw it up himself eventually.

My phone kept ringing, but I continued to ignore it unless it was Karen, Jeff or Sarah. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to the other people yet. I had just been dumped again by my own father. Despite being happy for my siblings, I couldn't help but to have some negative feelings about my personal lack of relationship with my father. I know I expected this coming, but it didn't prepare me for the actual feelings involved. Emotions are interesting things in the fact that no matter how much you prepare yourself for something or how much control you have over them you are never completely in control. I think that's why I hate them so much.

Finally I got tired of people calling me so I decided the next person who called I was going to tell to ask everyone else to stop calling me. Unfortunately the next person who called me was AJ. He again wanted to know if I wanted to go out with him and some of his friends. When I asked him why he was so interested in me he said that he thought I was intriguing. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. I did tell him I would go out because I didn't feel like staying here and drowning in my own misery. AJ told me what club he was going to before I hung up to write a quick note to Kurt and change my clothes.

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Review please. I love to hear from everyone.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: See chapter 6

Chapter 7

I woke up with a killer hang over. I couldn't count how many drinks I drank the previous night. I honestly wasn't even sure how I got back to Kurt's house. I did wake up in my father's guest room alone so that was a plus. No embarrassing incidents with my "father" to mess up my life further. Not that going out instead of being here miserable would have been okay with him. Some days I think he wants me to be miserable.

I mumbled a few curse words under my breath before going to get some aspirin from my bag. I only hope that I would be able to take them without feeling the need to empty my stomach. I wasn't sure if I'd already puked some of the alcohol out of my system.

I began to think about the previous evening and realized that I had very few memories of the evening. I had started drinking hard and fast as soon as we got where we were going. I was so upset that I just wanted to drown all my feelings. I don't really remember much more than a few hazy flashes. Some of them I wished that I didn't really remember. I think I might have crossed the line of inappropriate last night, but I couldn't really be sure with the few fuzzy flashes I had.

As soon as I popped the aspirin my cell rang. I had a feeling the gods must hate me today. It was Karen. I hated that I was going to have to lie to her. She wanted to know how things were going and to make sure I was doing okay after being completely forgotten yesterday evening. I told her that I was okay, then I made some quick excuses and went downstairs to get ideally a bagel, but anything with a lot of carbs right now.

Kurt had all ready gotten up and had both little kids dressed and I would assume fed when I went down in jeans and a large t-shirt. He as usual ignored me. I wish he would just acknowledge my existence. I mean he acknowledges fans existence and he doesn't even know them. I couldn't have done something to him so horrible that he couldn't at least be civil to me.

"Katie, where did you go last night?" Kyra said. "Kody wanted you to read him a story." I had a feeling she wanted me to be there too when she went to bed last night. She was just as unfamiliar with this house and Kurt as Kody and I were.

"I went to hang out with some of my friends while you were gone and I got home pretty late," I told her. This drew a look from my dad. A look that wasn't really a good one. "Did you have fun with Daddy last night?"

"It was really fun. We got to go to IHOP and we saw Monsters vs. Aliens. It was really fun," Katie said. "Daddy let me have breakfast food for dinner."

"I'm glad you had lots of fun," I told her. Kody was playing over in the corner. He was building with his blocks. He was always building. "Kurt, don't forget to remind him to go potty. He forgets sometimes," I said trying to start some sort of conversation with my father. I had a feeling he was going to be less than receptive.

"I know how to be a parent. You really don't need to even be here," Kurt said.

I felt more tears sting at my eyes. I successfully held them back this time. I knew somewhere that because he made me want to cry he wasn't worth it, but it didn't help. I wanted to know what I did that made him hate me so much that he would be so cruel. I thought that I could come here and not be an emotional basket case, but so far no luck.

"Daddy, be nice. I want Katie here. Katie's cool," Kyra said giving me a hug. She was pretty mature for her seven years. I felt kind of bad that she and Kody both had to see the tension between Kurt and I. I really was trying, but he didn't seem to give a damn.

"Kyra, I know you like Katie; I just wanted some time with just you and Kody," Kurt explained. I could tell that this was going to be a conversation that I would at some point wish that I didn't hear.

"But Katie is you daughter too so wouldn't you want to spend time with Katie too?" Kyra asked. I couldn't wait to see how he answered this.

"Well, sweetie, Katie is big and she doesn't really need me anymore," Kurt said. I couldn't believe he just passed the blame for our crappy, tense relationship to me. I now officially believe he is capable of anything.

"But Jeff said that no matter how big you get you still need your mommy and daddy to love you," Kyra said. I couldn't help but to smirk as she brought the man that Kurt hated most into the conversation. I just watched. He said I didn't need him so I wasn't going to bail him out of this one. It was now his mess to deal with.

Kurt practically turned red at the mention of Jeff's name. I couldn't believe a grown adult would let one person get to him so much. "Kyra, Jeff doesn't know about what goes on between Katie and I," Kurt said in a tone that close the subject. He was so hard to have any sort of conversation with because he was always right and never wrong.

Meanwhile Kody noticed my presence and ran over and gave me hugs and wanted me to pick him up. I obliged and snuggled with him for a few minutes. "Noise was scary," he told me seriously.

I knew he had been having a lot of nightmares lately and all he had been telling us was about a scary noise. "What can we do to keep the scary noise away?" I asked. I saw Kurt roll his eyes like I was babying him. I ignored him and gave Kody some time to think about my question.

"Well you know what lets think about it and we'll talk about it again before nap," I told him. "Do you need to go potty?"

Kody looked at me for a minute before wanting down and running to the bathroom. Kurt looked at me with daggers in his eyes.

Kurt waited until Kody had gone down for his nap and Kyra was watching a movie in her room to say anything. "How many times to I have to tell you I know how to be a parent? I don't even want you here, but Karen insisted on you coming. I shouldn't have even let you in my house. I'm surprised you didn't bring someone back from wherever the hell you went last night," Kurt said.

"I don't want to be here any more than you want me here, but Karen thought it would be easier for you to know you had someone to watch the little one when you're working. What I do when I'm not in your house is non of you business," I told him. "And I'm an adult I don't really have to tell you where I'm going."

"You were probably out fucking AJ or Eric or someone from the Front Line. I swear if you so much as put another toe out of line I'll kick you out of here so fast you won't know what happened," Kurt said. "And don't think I can't tell you came down here hung over."

"You know what maybe I wouldn't do some of the things I do if you actually decided either to get the hell out of my life or care about me. You know what I don't even need you anymore. You put so much distance between us there is no way to bridge it," I told him. "All I ever wanted is for my daddy to give a damn about me, and now I know that no matter what you say or do you'll never really care about me." I couldn't help it a few tears had slipped out despite the effort I had used to hold them back.

Kurt just looked at me like I was crazy. "I don't want to be your father. I never wanted to be your father. I wanted you mom to get rid of you, but she wouldn't and then she went and got sick and I was stuck with you," Kurt said. I slapped him and ran out of the room before he could finish what he was going to say.

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Review please.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: See chapter 6

A/N: I have yet to think of a title for this story, so if you have any suggestions let me know.

Chapter 8

I was miserable the next few days. Kurt had begun doing things for work, so he was easier to avoid. I was avoiding most of the Front Line. I was embarrassed about the drinking and whatever else I had done that I couldn't remember very clearly. It really sucked. I don't think I had ever felt this alone ever.

"Katie, can I talk to you for a second?" Jeff asked. "Alone."

"Hold on. Let me find some Main Event Mafia member to watch these guys. Kurt will freak if I leave them with anyone else," I said. It didn't take me long to find Scott. He was actually someone who I had found out despite his business relationship with my dad wasn't a complete jerk. He said that he would watch Kody and Katie for a bit while I talked to Jeff.

"What did you want?" I asked. I assumed he wanted to talk to me because I must look as miserable as I feel. My mom and Karen always told me that my face was very expressive.

"What's been going on. You've almost been walking around here like a zombie and most of the Front Line has told me you haven't been returning calls. Karen says you don't sound like yourself even," Jeff said.

"Let's see Kurt ditched me the first night we were there. He didn't even say a word to me and took Kyra and Kody out. AJ called and asked if I wanted to go out with him and the guys. I was stupid and said yes even though I knew what kind of mood I was in. I don't know what happened besides I got so wasted I don't know how I got back to Kurt's. I think I might have done some things I'm not proud of. The next day Kurt freaks out and we fight about everything. I'm just all alone back here," I said. "I don't even know why I agreed to come. I knew this was going to happen and subjected myself to it anyway."

Jeff just listened as I continued to tell him about the miserable things that had happened since I'd been here. I know he looked at me like one of his girls. Hell I'm sure he cared about me more than my own father did, and I knew that he was going to tell Karen everything. She was going to be so mad at me for keeping it all bottled up again.

"Look, Katie, Kurt is never going to change. Some people just don't. As for whatever went on between you and AJ or Eric it will work itself out, but ignoring them isn't going to make it any better. They like you and you need someone who likes you since you need to put up with all of Kurt's crap," Jeff said before telling me if he heard that I went out and got totally wasted again it wasn't going to be pretty. There were other ways to work out my problems and get other peoples attention.

I wasn't sure I believed him, but I knew that if I did something not good was going to happen. I went back to Scott to get Kyra and Kody. I found him in the locker room building with the blocks in Kody's bag while Kyra was playing with her Littlest Pet Shop toys. Kurt had also returned. I didn't say anything when I returned hoping Kurt wouldn't notice I had been gone, but like always he noticed when I did something that didn't please him.

"Where were you? You were supposed to be watching Kyra and Kody," Kurt demanded.

"Jeff wanted to talk to me alone for a minute. He, unlike you, cares that I look like I am miserable. We didn't think that Kody and Kyra needed to hear the conversation, kinda like they don't need to hear this one, so I asked Scott to keep an eye on them for a few minutes," I told him.

"You know I don't want anyone in my family around Jeff Jarrett. Why do you always have to be difficult?" Kurt asked. "If you could just do what I wanted then I would leave you alone."

Somewhere in this Scott had taken Kyra and Kody out of the room. I was glad because I had one question that I just couldn't hold in anymore and I didn't really want them to hear it. "What did I do to make you hate me so much? Why don't you love me as much as you love that damned piece of gold?"

"I don't hate you I simply don't care about you," Kurt said. "To me your just something that happened."

"How can you sit here and tell your own flesh and blood that you don't care about them? You have spend all your life playing hot and cold with me depending on how useful I was to you when all I wanted was for you to love me," I said. I knew that I was being to open with him and that this was going to come back to haunt me. I just had to get this out of my system before I crumbled under the weight of it.

"I didn't really love your mom. I thought I did, but I was young and didn't know what love was. Then you came along and I just never let myself get emotionally connected because I knew your mother was going to use you to get to me and keep me with her. Now it's just to late. I'm perfectly okay with the way things are with us."

I felt the tears streaming down my face. I couldn't believe that he was telling me these things. I couldn't believe that he was really okay with the way our relationship was.

"I did all the stupid, crazy things I did because if I was in danger I thought you might love me, but you never did. Sure you got mad and pretended. If I haven't ever meant anything to you then why didn't you just leave instead of popping in and out instead of playing with my emotions and making promises you never intended on keeping?"

"Because I could still control your mom by using you. I knew that she thought that every child needed a father, so when I thought I needed to I would step back in."

I had to leave when he said that. I couldn't take any more of this conversation. I didn't know where I was going, but at some point I ran into Scott. He had went to catering and gotten the little ones some food. He gave me a sympathetic look and made sure I didn't fall. He gave me a questioning look, but didn't stop me from keeping going. Hell at this point I cared more for him than I did Kurt.

I went outside the building and pulled a cigarette out of my purse. I had promised Karen I was quitting, and I really had tried. Right now it was either this or getting something to drink to relieve the stress and emotion.

"Ya know those things will kill ya," a familiar voice said.

"I know AJ," I told him. I didn't add that at the moment I just didn't give a damn.

"Ya look like you been crying," he observed.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said. I just sighed. I hadn't thought this day could get worse, but it did.

"I needed to talk to you about something else," AJ said. I could tell he was at a loss for words. I also had a feeling it was going to make my horrible week even worse.

"So talk," I said trying to hide the edge in my voice.

"Well when we went to the club earlier this week, we had a quickie in the bathroom," AJ said. I just started crying again. I couldn't handle this right now.

"Look AJ your married. We might have screwed around, but it's not going to happen again. We can only be friends," I told him firmly. I wasn't going to put myself into a position where he could hurt my all ready damaged heart. My heart couldn't take the pain that it would cause. "And right now I'm not even sure friends is a good thing."

"But that's the thing Katie I care about you all ready," AJ said.

"Well then stop. I'm not going to put myself into a position to get my heart broken. It won't be able to handle it," I told him honestly.

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	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: See Chapter 6.

Chapter 9

I spend the last few days of my trip hiding out from everyone. I couldn't believe that I was really what my father had accused me of being all along. I couldn't believe I screwed around with a married man. Hell, I could deal with screwing around with a random stranger better than this. Then again I had some experience dealing with that sort of crisis.

Jeff had pulled me aside and tried to talk to me, but this was something that I just couldn't tell him. He would say all the same things Kurt said about me, and he wouldn't care about me anymore. I'm not even sure why he cares about me now. AJ told Karen because he was worried about me. All he really succeeded in doing was making Karen worried too. I wasn't ready to open up to anyone.

Kurt, as usual, was to lost in his own world to notice that there was something wrong. Part of me was glad because then I didn't have to deal with it. Kurt would have pushed me until I told him what was going on because I was angry. Then he would have tormented me and called me the names I deserved. He would have made me feel worse if that was possible. I think he gets some sort of pleasure making everyon miserable.

Scott and Steve (Sting) tried to get me to spill the beans, but I couldn't tell them either. They promised me they wouldn't tell Kurt. I think it might have hurt their feelings a little that I couldn't tell them. It wasn't that I didn't trust them, in fact I did. It was more that I didn't want them to hurt AJ. As much as I didn't want to I really did care about him. He was one of the only people who had made me happy. If only I had thought about it earlier maybe I wouldn't have screwed that one up. If I didn't drink as much as I had then I wouldn't have fucked around with him, well yet anyway. I always mix physical and emotional closeness.

Booker and Kevin weren't really interested. They were more interested in what my dad was going and furthering his agenda. They were as power hungry as Kurt was. Scott and Steve were more like Jeff in most ways.

I heard my phone ring and chose to ignore it again. I had been barely keeping an eye on Kody and Kyra. Scott and Steve were picking up the slack. The only time I was really responsible for them was when they had to do something as a group, considering the problems in the Main Event Mafia it wasn't really that frequently. I hit the button when the voicemail announce whoever it was left a message. I probably had dozens of messages in my phone that I had yet to listen to. I knew I was worrying Karen and all the other people who supposedly cared about me, but I wasn't really sure that I cared.

I was happy to be leaving tomorrow afternoon and I could go home tell Sarah all the shit that happened and she would have a way for me to deal with it. She would because she was Sarah and she knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. She would know what to do to get me out of the depression I'd sunk into. If she didn't she'd at least pretend to and do the best she could.

Someone stopped at the little corner of the arena I was hiding in. I just sunk further into the corner trying to remain unseen by the person. You'd be surprised how easily it is to hide with so many peple around. "Look, Katie, I know your hiding there. You can't fool me," Steve said. "I know you don't want to confide in Scott or I but you need to talk to someone. Karen is worried sick, AJ doesn't know what to think, and Jeff is just as worried as the rest of us. Kyra and Kody ask about you all the time."

"If I tell you guys your gonna hate me. I hate me so it must be pretty bad. All of the things I've done that I regret I've never hated myself like this after them," I told him. "No one is going to love me anymore."

"Katie, we've all made mistakes, and we will keep making them. As long as you learn from them it's all good," Steve said. I wished I believed him.

"Yeah, well, have you fucked around with anyone who was married?" I asked. I knew I should have shut up, but I really had to let it out.

"No, but I've been married and cheated," Steve said. "Everyone backstage has probably cheated at one point or another." I could see he was working out the details in his mind. His eyes, like mine, were very expressive even when his face was calm and cool.

"But it's different being the one who's cheating and the one who's sleeping with the cheater. I knew he was married, but threw all caution to the wind anyway. When we started drinking I kept reminding myself he was married, but the more I drank the less I cared. I actually the only reason I care is because it's hurting someone else."

"I have a feeling there's more to it, but I'm not going to push. I know that it seems like you didn't care at the time, but you care now and that's what counts. When you were drinking all you were thinking about was what you wanted and you are obviously physically attracted to AJ," Steve said. "And you're emotionally connected to him so maybe cutting him out isn't really a good choice."

"But, Steve, every time I see him I think about the what happened, and I don't think I could see him without wanting him again. It's not just a physical want either. He makes me happy. He makes me feel like I matter to someone," I told Steve.

Steve just gave me a hug. "Sweetie, right now you can't have AJ in that way. He's married and if you get that involved in that your only going to get hurt." I respected that he was giving me his honest opinion and not judging me for my actions. I felt like now I had a family even though Kurt didn't give a damn about me.

"I know that," I told him. "I just haven't found out how to insulate myself against it. Just being here tests my resolve. I want him to love me more than I want anything in the world. Only he can't love me just like so many other people in my life. It fucking sucks."

"I don't know what Kurt's problem is. One day he will realize what is going on and how special each of his kids are. Hopefully for his sake it won't be to late," Steve said. "As for the other people who can't love you in your life it's their problem."

I just hung on Steve for a few minutes. I needed someone who would put my interest first. I knew Jeff and Karen cared about me, but I wanted someone who didn't have to. I've also come to realize that you can never have enough people to love you.

"You know I have a daughter who you might like. Alexis is a lot like you and is just a little older than you," Steve said. "And no more drinking for you little lady. You can't drink to drown your problems; you'll just have more problems that way." I knew the wisdom in his word s. Obviously as this situation illustrates drinking away problems only makes more. "You should probably talk to AJ. He really seems to miss you."

"Steve can you not hurt AJ for this just once. I know at some point Scott and Kurt are going to find out and hurt him for entirely different reasons," I said.

"I will refrain from hurting him for this incident," Steve promised. "As for later incidents I make no promises."

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	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: See Chapter 6

A/N: The last few chapters have been pretty emotional. This one will be also.

Chapter 10

I took a deep breath before going to the Front Line Locker room. Steve had been right about needing to talk to AJ. He was important to me, and I had to see if we could just be friends. I wished we could be more, but jsut friends was going to have to cut it.

"AJ, can I talk to you alone?" I asked quietly when I saw him. Alone wasn't good, but I refused to discuss this in front of everyone else.

"Sure, lets go. I know a spot," AJ said leading me out of the room. He lead me down the twists and turns of the hallway until he found the deserted one that he was looking for. "What did you want?"

"Look what happened last week was wrong. You're right we should just be friends, but if we're just friends we have to have rules. Also I think you should tell your wife if you haven't all ready. I know it would hurt me more hearing it from someone else," I said. I didn't want this to hurt her anymore than it needed to.

"Of course we need rules and as for Jenna what she doesn't know won't hurt her," AJ said. "She will only freak out."

"AJ just think about it. A lot of people know we disappeared together whether or not they know exactly what happened. How would you feel if Jenna disappeared wasted at a club with another guy and one of her friends told you?" I asked. I know he didn't want to hear this, but I had to tell him. I could only hope that he would listen to me and tell her.

"Point taken," AJ said. "On to these rules. What did you have in mind?"

"First of all no drinking around each other. Drinking makes us do stupid things," I said. "Second and most importantly. We are never ever alone around each other."

"We're doing fine being alone together right now. I don't think we need to worry about being alone together," AJ said. I sighed. It was almost like he wanted this to happen. It took so much resolve because it wasn't like I was totally against it either.

"AJ being alone together is to big of a temptation. We cannot have any sort of romantic or intimate relationship while your married . It's not good for either of us," I told him. I couldn't believe how hard it was to stick to my guns on this. I had to keep reminding myself that physical and emotional closeness were not one in the same.

"Fine I'll humor this for right now. You are right about the drinking around each other thing though," AJ admitted. I didn't know what to say about the humoring me thing though. I knew getting him to realize I was serious was going to be quite the task. I had to admit I wasn't sure how sucessful I would be.

I said a quick goodbye before leaving. I needed to get away from AJ right now for my own sanity. He was absolutely intoxicating to me. The high was like nothing else I've ever tried. No one had ever made me feel this way. Damn, why did he have to be married? I went to the surprisingly empty Main Event Mafia locker room. I was going to go see Jeff, but he had other things on his mind. He didn't need me adding all my drama on top of all the other things that he had to deal with. He had a big match in a few days to be ready for.

I felt kind of bad. There was something I hadn't told AJ. I was leaving tomorrow. I just couldn't stay right now. Everything was still to fresh, and I needed some time to pull myself together after the insanty here. Karen was going to come get the little ones in a few days. She was okay with letting Steve, Scott and Jeff make sure that Kurt didn't do anything to stupid like forgetting them somewhere.

If I was being honest with myself I would know exactly why I wasn't telling AJ. If I told AJ and he asked me to stay then I would. I don't know what it was that kept pulling me to him like a moth to a flame, but I knew I had to go. If I stayed I would end up with a heart that's more torn up than it all ready is.

I sighed when I got back to my apartment. Sarah was still at class. I just stashed my stuff in my room and flopped on my bed absently. I had been trying to turn my thoughts off, but so far I wasn't having an success. I just had to much on my mind to do just about anything.

When Sarah got home she asked me about her trip and I told her all the things that had gone wrong. She as always listened empathetically and offered me any advice she had when I was finished. She really didn't have that much advice for me. I could tell even she thought that the situation sucked. She also just hugged me and made sure that I was okay.

Steve, Scott, and Jeff all called to make sure that I got home all right. I know for sure that Jeff and Steve know about me and AJ. I wasn't sure about Scott, but since as far as I knew AJ was still in one piece I was pretty sure he didn't. I reassured them that I made it to my apartment okay and with some time I would be back to my crazy self. I wished that I was more confident about that.

It didn't take AJ long to call me either. He figured out the reason I left was because of him, and I honestly couldn't deny it. I did tell him even though I left I still wanted to be friends. I just needed a little space to pull myself back together. I was still determined that I wasn't going to get involved to deeply with a married man.

Screw that, I thought. I knew I was all ready in to deep. No matter how much distance I put between us I knew the spark would still be there. I had a feeling it would always be there. He would still make me happy and I wouldn't be able to resist the high of being with him. I was weak what can I say.

I wished my mom was here. She would know what to tell me to make everything better. She always had a way of getting me to do what I needed to do without making me feel forced. She was practically my best friend in the world. I missed her so much it physically hurt sometimes. Next week it would be 5 years, and a few weeks after that would be my 21st birthday. Her death and my birthday would always be intertwined.

Sarah was keeping an eye on me, but keeping her distance. She was really cool about giving me the insane amount of space I needed sometimes. She also knew when to step in and make me deal with my problems. Right now she was standing back giving me space. I really needed space.

My phone rang it was Karen. I answered even though I didn't really want to talk to anyone. Karen tried to get me to open up. She also gave me some advice about how to deal with Kurt and his many issues in case if I had to again. I supposed that at some point I would. Kurt was my father even if only biologically, and he would probably interject himself in my life if he didn't like what I was doing. I mostly listened. Karen humored me and told me that I could talk to her any time I needed to. I smiled a little, but was still a little worried.

I wanted to sink into my bed and just not exist anymore. I don't think that is going to happen. I still have to be here. There are to many things that are going on and people that needed me. "You know you could just see if you meet someone else. There are tons of people in the world."

"I know, but he's the one I want. You know how I am. I have to find the thing that is worst for me, and that's way I want," I told her. Sarah just rolled her eyes and went into the other room. I wish I could get over wanting what's so bad for me.

I took a few breaths and decided that Sarah was right. There were millions of other people on this planet. AJ couldn't be the only one who made me happy. There had to be someone else. Someone who didn't create such a toxic situation. Someone who was able to love me as much as I loved them. I knew that my heart couldn't handle one more toxic relationship.

I made a decision right then. I was determined to find someone who made me happy who was good for me. I was plenty loveable and cute so how hard could it be? Then my phone rang. I saw from the caller ID it was Scott again.

"How come you didn't tell me about you and Styles?" he asked.

I sighed. This wasn't going to be pretty. I had a feeling somehow this was going to be AJ's fault. I explained the situation and of course it was. I didn't even try to argue. Scott was stubborn and set in his ways and all those other things. I was kind of relieved that he didn't think to horribly of me.

"Does Kurt know?" I asked. I needed to know if I should expect a phone call from him.

"If he does he hasn't said anything. I can't be sure though." I finished up my conversation with Scott before curling up and taking a nap. I needed it.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I sighed going backstage at Impact. It had been almost three weeks since I had seen any of my friends from TNA. I hadn't wanted to stay way; I was just taking time to recollect myeslf. I had talked to AJ and Eric several times. I had also talked to several people in the TNA locker room.

I knew this trip was going to be the first test of what would become of AJ and my friendship. I wasn't sure what would happen. I could only hope he told Jenna about what happened. I know I would hate hearing it from someone else even more.

The frist person I ran into backstage was Steve. It seemed like he was always avoiding the Main Event Mafia locker room. He was happy that I was back. I had a feeling that more peple would be happy I was back also. We talked a little bit before he said he had to go do some Main Event Mafia stuff. I also wanted to find AJ and Jeff. They would be angry if I didn't let them know I had arrived.

AJ was actually the one who asked me to come tonight. He said he had a big match tonight. Fore some reason he wanted me here. I would have thought he wanted Jenna here, but instead for some unknown reason he invited me. I wasn't really sure why I accepted for that matter. If I would have been smarter I would have realized how horrible the idea was.

I think it was because I subconsciously needed to see him. Something was drawing me in again. I could only wish that he was more available than he was. I had been able to resist as long as he hadn't asked me to come back. I knew even if he didn't ask me to come see him Eric, Jeff, or somebody would want me to visit or something. Seeing him again was inevitable.

I only prayed that I could resist being alone with AJ for the stay. I knew if AJ and I were along I wouldn't be able to resist taking our relationship to a physical level. It was something that wouldn't be a good thing for either of us.

"Hey, Jeff, I'm here," I said. "I'm gonna go hang out and stuff. I'll get my key later." I was hoping that way I would be able to avoid doing something stupid later.

"Remember, don't do anything you'll regret later," Jeff said. "I'm just a phone call away." I wanted to say something about not doing things I regret, but I knew he would call my bluff.

"Not doing something you'll regret is easier said than done sometimes," I reminded him. I knew it was something he knew from personal experience.

"But you gotta be true to yourself. If you loose yourself you got nothing," Jeff said before I left. I wasn't sure if I could take more of his advice. It was making me think to much. I hate it when he does that sometimes.

I quickly found AJ. There was one very important question that I had to ask him. It was something that had been nagging at me since I got his invitation out here. I had to know the answer before I could decide what was going on with AJ and I.

"Okay if you going to win such a big match tonight why did you invite me along instead of Jenna? She's the person you should want to share this with." I asked. She was his wife and supposed to be his biggest supporter, not me one of his friends (all though if I let it we could be more).

"Jenna loves me, at least I think, but she doesn't love or even appreciate what I do to support us. She absolutely despises that I wrestle and wants absolutely nothing to do with it," AJ explained.

"So instead of inviting her and cutting your loses or going it solo you invite the queen of all temptation," I said. I wasn't following his logic even though I was trying.

"Katie, I care about you. You're a big temptation, but there isn't anyone else that I would want to share this with," AJ said. I sighed. This was going to be difficult.

"AJ, I'm not your wife or your girlfriend or anything like that. I am your friend, but I still don't give a damn about this business. It took what little of Kurt I had, and it gave me an incredible, but unavailable, man. Let's face it this business has royally screwed me over," I told him.

"You're not listening, as long as this stays here you don't have to worry about Jenna finding out," AJ said. "No one will tell her. No one here talks to her. She doesn't even care what I do for the most part on the road."

"AJ, it's not that I don't want you, because god knows I do, but I don't think I can share you. I'm not strong enough to know that you claim to care about me but then go home to your wife. It's not fair of you to have to live two seperate lives. It's not fair to Jenna's feelings. She's going to be hurt. If we can't be friends then we can't be anything," I told him.

"Look Jenna and I might love each other but our relationship is on it's last leg. Honestly, we probably don't have very much time left. I probably would have already filed for a divorce if I didn't want to feel like I failed," AJ said.

"AJ, I don't want to put myself in the middle of your marriage, or divorce if it ends that way," I began. AJ cut me off with a kiss.

Every single part of my brain was telling me to push him away and get out of there, but my body just couldn't do it. I wanted this to happen even if they timing totally sucked. When AJ pulled away a few minutes later I knew I was already in to deep. I couldn't pull myself out even if I wanted to.

"God, AJ, why did you go do that?" I asked. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like what he was thinking because it was to close to what I was thinking and feeling.

"You were talking to much," AJ said simply.

"Look, AJ, we can't be sneaking around forever. You're going to have to make a decision sometime," I told him; I knew my words would have more effect if I wasn't leaning on him or looking at him with what must have been all sorts of lust. I wanted so much for this to be the last thing that was said or done about the status of our relationship.

"I know. I also know that this is a crappy way to start a relationship, but I really care about you," AJ said. "I didn't want you to get away."

"If you really like me it won't take you long to make your choice," I said. God I hated that we were even having this conversation.

AJ and I talked for a little bit longer before he had to go do some work. I had some things that I needed to do too. There were some people that I knew I needed to talk to.

As soon as AJ left it was like I could think again. I had a feeling this might be one of the things that Jeff had been talking about. Part of me didn't want to do this, but a bigger part of me did. 'Oh shit,' I thought, 'this is going to be difficult.' I had never been good at sharing things, and I knew at some point this was going to blow up in my face.

Part of me knew I was going to regret this, but the bigger part of me doesn't care. I had always done what was bad for me and this was no exception.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I woke up the next morning and had to do a double take. I immediately berated myself for even considering doing this. I couldn't always end up being the woman that AJ wanted only when Jenna didn't want him. When something was going on in this life that she couldn't or wouldn't deal with. It was like he was compartmentalizing his life. I was with wrestling and Jenna got the rest. As much as we talked I wasn't completely sure what the rest really was. If we had any sort of relationship beyond the physical I wouldn't be okay with that.

I remembered AJ and my conversation last night. I silently said every curse word that I could think of and probably invented a few more. I wished that I couldn't believe that I had done something that stupid, but I did. Stupid things are what I'm known for doing. That was when I carefully got up and began looking for my clothes. As I was doing this my phone rang. "Damn," I mumbled. Karma is a bitch sometimes. I figured, correctly, that I would wake AJ up. I wasn't ready to face him this morning.

"Katie, where are you? You never came to get your key last night," Jeff seemed worried. Then I could almost hear the revelation dawn on him. "Please tell me you aren't were I think you are."

"I probably can't do that," I said pushing AJ away from me. He had gotten up and started blowing in my ear. "Stop," I whispered. I vowed I wasn't doing this again.

"Katelyn Alison, we need to talk about this," he said. I could hear him going into parental mode as we spoke. I could only imagine what Eric, Scott and Steve would think when they heard about this. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Jeff, we will talk about this later. I promise," I told him. I had to internalize some of this before I could even begin to talk to him about how stupid what I was doing with AJ was.

"Fine after AJ goes on his promotional things we will talk," he told me. He didn't give me any room to argue, not that I needed any. I needed to talk to him. Maybe he would be able to talk some sense into me since I was unable to do it myself.

"I'll see you in a couple hours," I assured Jeff. I had to again push AJ away. It seemed like he had only one thing on his mind this morning. I wasn't going to anything inappropriate with him right now.

"Look, AJ, this has to stop happening," I told him when I hung up with Jeff. "I'm not going to share you. Jenna doesn't deserve this kind of betrayal. Neither of us deserve only part of you," I told him. Why do we have to have such a strong physical attraction? Why did I have to be so drawn to him? He was like a drug that I just couldn't quite manage to kick.

"Katie, I know you think I think this is no big deal, but I don't. I want you to be a significant part of my life. We're attracted to each other. For me it's not just physical but it's also more. I know this sounds really stupid but you make me feel different than Jenna," AJ said. I my heart wanted to listen to him and believe him. My mind knew that it was stupid and I should run like hell. Right now my heart was winning. My heart needed to be removed from my body and tossed aside so I could think about this calmly and rationally.

"AJ you committed yourself to be faithful to Jenna when you got married. You committed to putting her above everything else. She's obviously got something special if she has your love. Pure, passionate, romantic, unadulterated love that you would die for no questions asked isn't something you can have with just everyone," I told him. "You aren't the only one that could make me loose control like you do." I finished putting on my clothes and left like my brain had been telling me to. I had to find someone who would save me from myself.

As soon as I shut the door I thought that I would break down crying. I couldn't believe how emotionally invested I had already gotten. I knew that I had to say away. I couldn't keep torturing myself this way. I was only going to hurt myself this way. I still hadn't regained my composure when I ran into Scott. I knew the crap was going to hit the fan. No matter what I would tell him it wouldn't stop him from doing something horrible to AJ.

"Baby Doll what's going on?" Scott asked. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it from him. He and Steve would get it either out of me or Jeff.

"You know how AJ and I have been attracted to each other?" I asked. Scott nodded. "Well, AJ and I kinda acted on that attraction again."

"Again?" Scott asked.

"Well when I brought Kyra and Kody to see Kurt he took the little ones out and completely forgot about me. No surprise there. Anyway, AJ and Eric wanted me to go out with them and some of their friends so I said sure why not. I was more down about Kurt forgetting me than even I realized, so I guess I drank to much and AJ and I ended up doing things we shouldn't have," I explained. I held my breath for a second while Scott processed.

Scott looked angry. I couldn't be sure if he was angry at me or AJ, but I didn't really want him to be angry at either of us. "I know you knew he was married. I can't believe either of you went there," Scott said.

"Look, I know that your probably mad at us for being stupid. I know how stupid this is. That's why I'm going to stay away or something for a while. I don't know but this stupidity is going to end," I said.

"Baby Doll, the attraction isn't going to go away so I don't know if that is going to help. I know you and you wouldn't do something like that if you didn't really care about AJ," Scott said.

"I do care, but how am I going to end this if I stay here. Just last night we were talking about having some kind of relationship behind Jenna's back. I can't go there. I can't make AJ sink to a level my father has sank to. He's a much better man than Kurt ever could be," I said.

"Sweetheart, Kurt has his flaws, and he's selfish, but he does have his better qualities too. Anyway, it's not you who's making AJ act on his feelings it's AJ acting on his feelings. You didn't force AJ to do anything. He made himself act like Kurt not you."

"It just seems like I always seem to bring out the worst in people. I can't ever be in a relationship that's good for me. This just proves it," I said.

"Katie, you just haven't found the one for you. If you had then everything would be right. AJ isn't the one for you at least right now. Maybe you haven't had good relationships because you're not ready. Maybe you need to resolve things with Kurt," Scott said.

"Did you even know about me before I showed up? Kurt never would have told you guys or anyone else about me if I didn't show up. He didn't tell Karen about me until my mom let it slip when she called him about something. I think I sprained my arm," I told him. "Kurt hates me and thinks that I'm not worthy of his love. Maybe he's right."

"Kurt is your father and as much as he doesn't act like it he loves you. He just doesn't realize how much he does," Scott said.

"You've never been rejected like that. He's the one man who is supposed to love me no matter what. He's the one person who is supposed to make me feel good even when I feel down, and he can't look at me without being cruel," I told him. I knew this was going to come back to Kurt. There were so many more things that Kurt had done that I still wasn't ready to talk about.

Scott didn't press further even though I could tell that he wanted to. Kurt and I has a relationship that I thought of as unfixable. I had let him in more than once and he had pushed me out without the slightest hesitation. It got to the point that the wounds inside were so raw and sore that it hurt to even think about trying to engage him in a relationship again.

Scott sat with me for a few minutes while I regained my composure. I needed to be calm and collected by the time I went to see Jeff. If I wasn't he would get me to reveal more than I wanted about how I was feeling. I was still getting used to have a (or sometimes three) father figure in my life. I didn't want to overwhelm him with all my baggage. I also didn't want to let him in to far then have him leave because he couldn't deal with what was there.

A/N: I know Kaitlyn's moods are enough to give anyone whiplash, but remember she is only 20 and has been emotionally abused by her father.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I stood outside Jeff's hotel room mentally collecting myself. Intellectually I knew Jeff would still care about me after this conversation, but I was still scared. This is a time when my own father would leave me high and dry. I had to remind myself that Jeff was nothing like Kurt. I took a few more deep breaths.

I knocked on the door when I thought I was prepared for anything. I saw an unexpected look of disappointment in Jeff's eyes. I changed my mind I wasn't prepared for anything. I was disappointed enough in myself for both of us.

"Why Katie? I thought you said you and AJ were though," Jeff said. The disappointed eyes made much more sense to me now. He thought I lied to him. I guess in a way I had lied to him. I did say AJ and I were done, and we hadn't been.

"I thought AJ and I were done too. I don't want to put myself through this, but I couldn't stay away," I told him. I replayed for him the conversation I had with AJ this morning. I told him I promised myself that I was through with AJ. Jeff didn't look as convinced as I hoped. I hoped I had convinced myself more than I convinced him.

"Katie, if you don't really end this your going to get burned. No matter how bad his marriage is it can't be that bad. He is still with her," Jeff pointed out. I knew I what I was the truth, and getting burned the way I was sure I would wasn't a pleasant prospect.

I talked to Jeff for a little while longer. I knew exactly what I had to do when I finished talking to Jeff. I knew I had to do it to save my heart. I had to cut AJ completely out of my life until I was sure whatever pull he might have had on me was gone. I wasn't sure how long that would take. The last few weeks, even thought it was in person I had been in contact with him. I couldn't kick a drug I was still tempting myself with. I knew that.

I knew I had to say goodbye to all my friends and go home. I would throw myself into school and helping Karen, maybe even date other people. There was life beyond my "relationship" with AJ. I had to take the first steps toward whatever that life looked like.

I stopped at the frontline locker room door. I figured I would find some of my friends there. I went to knock but I heard AJ and Joe inside. They must have been talking about an upcoming storyline. It sounded kind of heated.

"Why are you doing it Joe?" AJ asked.

"How could I team with you when I know what I know? You're screwing with a girl's emotions and being unfaithful," Joe said. I knew AJ and Joe were going to have issues. Joe is my longtime friend. He and I became friends a few years ago when my dad and Karen started working here. Just another thing I did to disappoint him.

"Look, Katie and I are special. I really like her. No one in the locker room is always faithful," AJ said.

"Yeah, but your not the one going to be devastated when something happens. Obviously you don't care to much about her your still with Jenna," Joe said. I was beginning to realize this. It took Jeff and Joe saying something for me to begin to realize this.

"So your making you decisions based on what your friend and I are doing? I thought I was your friend."

"Do you even give a damn your hurting her? Ripping her heart into pieces?" I felt bad listening to this. It was my fault that they were fighting even if it was unintentional.

"Do whatever you want, but don't pretend to know how I think," AJ said.

I decided now was the time to knock the door. I didn't want either of them to say something that they would regret more later. I wasn't going to let myself get into the middle of a friendship that had been going on since before I came into the picture.

Joe let me in. He didn't look vey happy. "I'm going home for a while. I wanted to say bye to you and EY," I told him giving him a hug. "I need to talk to AJ for a second."

Joe glared at him, but left. He looked like he wanted to maim AJ. Joe thought of me like a sister. I know he didn't want to see me hurting.

"AJ, we're done. I cannot do this. I'm not sneaking around or keeping this from your wife. I know I can't have all of you so I'm walking away. I don't want to see you anymore. It's over," I told him blinking back the tears in my eyes. I couldn't let him get a word in. He would say something that would make me want to stay and I would. Then at some point in the future I would get a maimed, broken version of my heart handed back to me.

I turned and left. I was going to finish my goodbyes then leave. I couldn't handle facing AJ again tonight. It would hurt to much.

My next stop was the Main Event Mafia locker room. I wanted to say bye to Scott and Steve. I also wanted to let my father know he was rid of me. He was getting what he wanted all along. I wished that he actually gave a damn about me, but I was beginning to get ot the point I didn't care. He didn't love or even care about me so why should I care about him.

I knocked on the door and Booker (my least favorite Main Event Mafia member) answered the door. I rolled my eyes preparing for whatever it was he was going to say.

"What do you want?" he asked rudely. He was always rude. I'd gotten used to it .

"Is Kurt, Scott, or Steve here?" I asked.

"We're in the middle of an important, private, meeting. Main Event Mafia only," Booker said. I knew exactly what this was about.

"If it's about Joe I all ready know, so does AJ. I suppose since your having a meeting he doesn't know it's more than just the story line," I said. That must have been the key. The door instantly opened.

"Well then come in," Booker said. I went in to see the entire Main Event Mafia except Steve. I didn't like the way this looked since Steve was the "god father".

"I wanted to say I was leaving for a while, a long while. Kurt you got me out of you life. Something you've always wanted. I should have never came here in the first place. Scott I'll miss you, but keep in touch," I said. I didn't want long goodbyes. I hated goodbyes. They made life suck.

"Ya know, you could help us bring him down," Scott said. "Ya might have to fill the others in a little, but you could."

"I don't want to take anyone down. I need to get AJ out of my system," I said forgetting that there were other people in the room. I honestly didn't care at this point. Right now it was about me.

"I was right all along you were sleeping with Styles. You honestly thought you could keep it from me," Kurt said in a superior tone. "You've been a whore for a long time so guess I should have known."

"The apple must not fall to far from the tree. You cheated on my mom and Karen countless times," I said. "You could have prevented this f you would have just invited me to the movie that night." So I knew my choices were my own, but he had to own up to his. He could have just done one kind thing and would have never slept with AJ the first time and maybe not even yesterday.

"Katie what better way to get him out of your system?" Kevin asked. He had a point, but focusing on him would hurt.

"By not making him the center of my focus," I said sarcastically.

I couldn't believe my father hadn't pounced on him when Scott suggested making me part of the inner circle, at least when it came to dealing with AJ. I knew it stemmed more from Kurt's hatred for AJ than his love for me, and that hurt just a little bit. He still thought that AJ and Karen had some sort of fling when they were working together. He blames his divorce on everyone except himself. I could see the wheels in his head thinking about how he could take AJ down using me and what I knew about AJ.

"Just think about it," Scott suggested. I nodded in agreement even though I knew the answer would still be no. I simply couldn't betray AJ like that. It didn't matter that he was using me, I couldn't betray him. You don't betray those you love for any reason.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**I got up the next morning and my heart ached. I had expected AJ, but he wasn't there. I couldn't even be sure why I expected him. I was crazy maybe.**

**It only took a few minutes for my phone to ring. I made sure to check the caller ID before I answered. It was Karen**

"**I heard you were coming home today. Do you need someone to pick you up from the airport?" Karen asked. I assumed she was oblivious to why otherwise she would have mentioned something.**

"**No, I all ready got Lena to come pick me up," I told her. I didn't want to face her right now. I needed some pull myself together time. Karen would want to know what was wrong and I would tell her. Then she would hate me. Okay hate was a touch of a strong word, disappointment might be better.**

**I talked to Karen for a bit then shortly after we finished Eric called. He wanted to take me to breakfast. I agreed even though I felt like moping around. Moping wasn't going to get me anywhere.**

**I hopped into the shower and was almost dressed when there was a knock on the door. "Hold on," I said assuming it was Eric. I quickly finished getting dressed and opened the door. "Come…. What do you want?"**

"**I wanted to tell you I really care about you and want you to be part of my life," AJ said.**

"**AJ, I can't. I can't put myself into a position to get hurt. I won't let you make me into something that I don't want to be. If you really care about me you wouldn't be choosing to stay with Jenna and only letting me into a part of your life. I won't be the other woman," I told him with all the strength I could muster. I had to make him believe it.**

"**Styles, I suggest you leave," another voice added. It was Eric. Eric rescued me from myself again. I invited Eric in then finished getting ready leaving AJ in the hallway.**

**I was glad I had breakfast with Eric. It was fun not to be miserable for once. All through breakfast I felt eyes on me (probably from the Main Event Mafia) watching closely. I knew the were waiting for something. **

**After I got back to my hotel room and began to pack my cell rang yet again. I knew by the ring who it was. I let it go to voicemail.**

"**Katie, it's Dad. I just wanted to know if you've given any more thought to what we talked about yesterday. Give me a call," Kurt's falsely sweet voice played when I retrieved the message.**

**It kind of made me laugh. Kurt hated when I called him Dad even as a small child. I knew whatever he was planning he needed my help. I also knew I couldn't help him. I called him back.**

"**Kurt, I thought you wanted me gone," I began, "but now you want me. Not because you love me, but because I can help you further your agenda. You want AJ now your playing on my emotions.**

"**I'm not going to help you. When you love someone all you want is for someone to be happy even if it's not with you. I forgot that you don't know what it's like to love someone with all your heart."**

"**Katie, this will make you feel better. You won't be hurting him as much as he hurt you," Kurt said.**

"**But I don't want to hurt him at all. I want him to live happily. I'm not going to get involved in your scheme and not only hurt AJ, but myself in the process," I said.**

"**Your always a disappointment. You have a chance to be in the best organization in the world."**

"**I don't want to be in the Main Event Mafia nor am I going to fool myself into thinking that I would be around after you took AJ down," I told him. "All I ever really wanted was for you to love and support me."**

"**Well you can give up on that. I'll never love you. You were something I never really wanted to begin with," Kurt said.**

"**That was all I needed to know," I said hanging up. I wasn't sure how many more blows to my fragile self esteem I would take. Especially now.**

**Kurt had told me that before but for whatever reason this time it made it so much more real. This for whatever reason I really believed him.**

"**Are you ready?" Jeff asked.**

"**Yeah I need to put some distance between this and myself. Kurt told me he could never love me again this morning. He's so…. Heartless sometimes. My heart just needs to heal," I said.**

"**Kurt will always be Kurt. He's always going to put his needs before everyone else's," Jeff said. "And you'll find at some point he'll regret his choices. You're the one who controls what happens when he's unable to take care of himself."**

"**I know, but how do you not love something that is a part of you? He created me, but for whatever reason he can't love me," I said.**

"**Katie, I know you don't want to hear this but you don't need him anymore," Jeff said. "You have a family in me, Karen, Scott, Steve, Joe, Eric, and everyone else who loves you in the TNA locker room."**

"**You're right. You know Joe told AJ he didn't care as much about me as he claimed because he won't leave Jenna, and you guys are right. If AJ really wanted a relationship with me Jenna wouldn't be in the picture."**

**Jeff gave me the best advice possible. You have to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. He was right. I vowed then and there to rid myself of the toxic people in my life. They simply didn't exist anymore. End of story.**

**I boarded my plane with a new vigor. This felt like the first day of my new life. For the first time in a long time I felt like there was a man who loved me like his own.**

**As I got closer to Pittsburgh I knew the first test of this new resolve was going to come quickly. Little did I know how quickly it would come.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I had all of three days to resettle into my dorm room when a call came. I was packing up for my upcoming weekend trip to Hershey with the kids. By now Karen sensed something was different, but I had yet to tell her anything. I wasn't even sure how to broach the subject with her. I wanted to confide in her, but I was afraid that she wouldn't be able to deal with it.

Anyway, when my phone rang for whatever reason I skipped checking the caller ID.

"Katie, when Joe joins the Main Event Mafia they're going to take me out for real. You have to help me," AJ said. He sounded somewhat frantic. I almost felt sorry for him, but turned my feelings off as quickly as possible. I had sadly become pretty good at that.

"Look, AJ, it's not my problem, nor do I have to do anything. I told Kurt I was going to stay out of this thing between the two of you and I am. You made your bed now you have to lay in it," I told him.

"Come on, Katie, have a heart. None of my friends are really speaking to me, and Joe, who knows almost every weakness I have, is on the other side," AJ said. It sounded like he was extremely desperate.

"I do have heart. I'm not on the Main Event Mafia side. Kurt recruited me like I was the best thing since sliced bread. I said no because I didn't want to hurt you. I honestly don't care what Steve, Scott, Jeff, Joe or even Kurt do to you. We're over remember," I said.

"That isn't the Katie I know. The Katie I know would do anything for the people she loves," AJ said.

"Then you didn't know me well or I would be my father's best weapon. I love him despite the fact that he doesn't love me. You don't love me anymore than he does, so why would I help you?"

"You know what, Katie? Your just as heartless as he is," AJ said before hanging up.

I just shook my head. I knew AJ wouldn't understand. He was to right or left, black or white in his thinking. I resisted the urge to call Kurt and ask him to call it all off not only because he wouldn't listen, but because he would use it to fuel Scott's, and anyone else who might stand with him against AJ, rage.

I took a minute to get my head on straight and waited for Karen to come pick me up. She was gong to see if she could figure out what was going on.

By the time Karen got there I had gotten most of the words I'd had with AJ out of my head. I hated that he could treat me like that when he said that he cared about me. The only thing I couldn't stop thinking about was AJ calling me heartless for the simple reason I refused to help him.

Karen didn't say a word as I climbed into the car. Kyra and Kody however chatted away immediately. They told me about the trip they had recently taken to see their grandparents and Jeff while he was at home. I was really happy for them even though I kind of wanted to shut myself in my own world.

It was only a few days before I was back at my apartment. I was happy that Sarah was still at class so I would have a little alone time to gather my thoughts. Sarah was one of my closest friends, but sometimes even she was to much.

I knew the next few weeks were going to be tough. I always desired what I couldn't have. I didn't know how relationships worked at all, but I did know that what AJ and I had was absolutely toxic no questions asked. That just made me want him even more.

Sarah got home and pretty much stayed out of my way. She was trying to let me sort through all the stuff in my head, but somehow I didn't see that happening any time soon._

I spent the next several weeks just going through the motions so to speak. I had been avoiding everything possible that would remind me of AJ even my friends. I know it was stupid to change my entire life because of him, but I couldn't figure out another way to get him out of my system. Eric and Joe had been calling me trying to see how I was doing, but I couldn't talk to them yet. I was barely managing Jeff, Scott, and Steve.

I could barely function at more than a zombie level. Sarah had tried to talk to me about it several times, but I just tuned her out or walked away. I couldn't deal with her right now more than I could deal with anything else, especially what was going on in my own head. I knew that I was sinking into a hole. I felt this way shortly after I went to live with Kurt. I knew that I depression was setting in, but wasn't sure I had the will power to stop it. I wasn't sure I wanted to stop it. Feeling nothing was better than what I was feeling before.

"Katie, you should see a councilor. You need help otherwise something bad is going to happen. I know your going to tell me you don't need it, but something is obviously going on in your head that neither of us can fix," Sarah said finally while I was making food. "I'm only telling you because I care about you."

"Sarah, all I need is time to deal with this. My life has always sucked, so this is nothing new. I can deal with this, just like everything else," I told her. "I don't need anyone listening to my crap and asking me pointless questions."

Sarah tried to convince me to see someone, but I kept refusing until eventually she gave up before I caused a big scene. I was better at big scenes than almost anyone I knew. It must be something I inherited from Kurt. I know my mom was much more mellow than this.

I knew Sarah wasn't the only one worried about me. I heard the messages that everyone was leaving me, and they all sounded concerned. I was beyond the point of caring that they were worried.

Somewhere deep down I knew that Sarah was right about getting help. I guess I just didn't care about myself enough anymore to get help. If I just kept putting myself into situations where I would get hurt then why get help. I was an ever ending cycle that I was sure that I couldn't break. I was just not strong enough to make any sort of decision.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

So I was still absolutely miserable. I don't think I could feel lower without being at least hospitalized. So far I had avoided AJ, but I had also shut everyone else out. I was beginning to think that maybe Sarah as right. Maybe I needed to see a councilor. I mean really at this point I have nothing to loose.

Kurt and Karen's divorce is getting messier. She was starting to get bitter about everything. He doesn't want to let her go, not that I could blame him. She's probably the best thing that has ever happened to him. I still wanted him to love me. Some things just never change. He had called and not yelled at me, but I don't hold to much hope in that. He probably wanted to thank me for staying the hell out of his life.

"Katie, maybe you need to talk to someone," Sarah ventured again. Things had been kind of tense between her and I since the first time he suggested seeing someone about my issues. I wanted to make things right between us.

"I think your right. If I don't want to sink further into this hole then I should probably see someone," I conceded. I knew that she was only looking out for me. I also didn't want to end up doing something I would regret later. I was all ready the queen of that. I didn't need any help in that department.

Sarah gave me the names of some councilors that she knew (she is a psychology major so she'd made some contacts). I thanked her and decided it might be a good idea to call Karen. She might have some insight, and if not at least she would listen.

Before I could call anyone I received a call from Eric. I decided I finally needed to answer it. The method I was using to cut AJ out of my life really was taking over my life making it extremely difficult to forget about him. I couldn't live my entire life around if I thought I was going be close it him. It gave him to much control. That was an interesting thought for me. Even if I wasn't ready to visit my friends at the Impact zone I still needed to nurture the relationships with them. I would be shooting myself in the foot if I let them slip away.

I spent the next 45 minutes talking to Eric and catching up on things. He was sharing everything he knew about what was going on. He was sure that to avoid what AJ was doing, but he shared just about everything else that I would want to know. He was really the best person to talk to first since he was so easy going and understanding. I couldn't believe how much I was missing. Part of me wanted to be there even if I knew staying away was probably to my benefit. I made a note to go to Orlando soon to see my friends even if I had to stay away from where they worked and not go to a club or anything. Eric was being so awesome about me being practically bipolar. (I knew in reality I knew it was more likely that I was just suffering from depression, but I can tend to be a drama queen.)

It took a few days to finally build up all the courage, but I set up an appointment with a councilor. I kind of felt like I was trying to shrink away from my problems, but I just kept reminding myself it was for the best. It was going to be rough to talk to a stranger about my problems, but maybe that was what I needed. Someone removed from the situation to help me sort things out.

I had talked to Kurt a couple times in the last few days and it seemed like he was taking this divorce thing seriously. Like he was beginning to realize that he had made a lot of mistakes, and that he was beginning to regret some of the things that he had done. Part of me wanted to believe that he was changing, but with our history it was going to take a lot more than a week or so of good behavior. Maybe when I was more comfortable with seeing a councilor we could see one together and maybe build an actual relationship. That was what I wanted even it I wasn't quite ready to admit it to anyone else. And for the first time I saw true hope that it may happen.

I had yet to decide what to do about the AJ situation. The fact was that we simply had to many mutual friends for me to be able to completely avoid him without essentially changing my life dramatically. I didn't want to give up my friends because of some stupid choices I had made. The other fact was that I still wanted to be with him. I honestly wasn't sure when that was going to change, even though I wanted to. Sarah said it was because I knew that if I was with him I would be able to have an easy out if I got to scared. I knew that in any relationship I was going to have to deal with my extreme fear of getting hurt. Another thing to talk about with a councilor. I could keep someone in business for years I suppose. I might have to.

**THREE DAYS LATER**

I nervously sat in the waiting room of the councilors office. I was trying to be brave, and so far I suppose I was succeeding. I hadn't walked out yet. There was hope for me yet.

Eventually my name was called and I went into the office. The councilor seemed like a nice lady. She was middle aged and seemed to know what she was doing. She asked me what I supposed were the normal questions about my age, history, family situation, and why I was here. The first ones were easy and fairly uncomplicated. I was 20 almost 21. I had been on antidepressants in high school, but been taking off them shortly after I started college. The rest were still easy just more complicated. She mostly sat and listened to me. I know she was trying to build a rapore with me that let me talk about everything.

I didn't feel much better when I left the office. I did feel a little bit relieved though. There was a weight lifted from my shoulders. I wasn't in this alone anymore and it was a little bit comforting. Okay I found it more than a little bit comforting. It was nice to know that someone was going to be objective and help me figure out how deal with my life more objectively.


End file.
